Have you ever met someone only to realize a few minutes later you can’t for the life of you remember his name? Why does that happen?

Let’s rewind and review your initial connection:

• You gave him a solid handshake, like your father always taught you. 
• You looked him in the eye, because of that teacher who harped on eye contact. 
• You spoke clearly and confidently, because first impressions are important. 
• You exchanged names and said, “nice to meet you,” because it’s culturally expected.

The reason you forgot his name (it’s Bill, by the way) is because you never really met him. You were focused on your handshake, your eye contact, your voice, and your manners. 

Often when we try to meet someone else, we are actually focused on ourselves. An amazing thing happens if we actually shift our focus from ourselves to that other person.

You’ve probably experienced it. Have you ever had someone be completely present with you? Someone stop and truly see you amidst the crowd? Someone not just listen, but hang on your every word? 

Doesn’t matter if it’s a child, a coach, a mentor, a friend, a leader, or a stranger. It’s as if the world stops and you are the only thing that matters to them in that moment. You intuitively know you want to be around that person. You trust them instantly.

Trust doesn’t take time—it takes focus.

According to Social Psychologist Amy Cuddy, the first thing humans try to figure out when meeting someone is, “What are this person’s intentions toward me?” By being genuinely interested, you can answer that question—and cultivate trust—in mere seconds.

So instead of focusing on your competence and dependability right off the bat, start by being authentic and benevolent, focusing on the loves and fears of that other person.

Finally, don’t worry about that first impression you already messed up. You can practice shifting your focus onto others anytime. Just pick one person (maybe Bill?) and go for it. It’s harder than you think at first, but it’s worth it!

For Reflection: Who is one person you can spend time focusing on in the next 24 hours? How will you put them ahead of yourself during that time? 

Update: 59% Proposal Complete 

I made zero progress on my proposal this week as I’ve been on vacation with my family. It’s been a refreshing break and I’m ready to jump back in next week!

5/10 Content (10%)

5/10 Market (10%)

4/5 Author (5%)

15/25 Synopsis (25%)

30/50 Sample Chapters (50%) 

59/100 Total (100%)