I walked out of a local chain restaurant on Tuesday with a paper check for forty-one dollars and thirteen cents. That’s right, a paper check. From a restaurant. In 2023.

A week earlier, the restaurant’s system was glitching so badly they switched to cash-only payments—but not before double charging our card. It took three visits, two managers, and one week to sort it all out.

Having worked behind the scenes with all types of businesses, I usually navigate these little hiccups gracefully, while empathizing with the staff. However, I found one thing about this particular rigmarole disappointing.

At every point in the process, the staff treated this as a transaction.

They missed that our interaction ceased being a transaction when the value exchange failed at the register. That was their cue to engage with us.

Transactions are shallow, focusing on short-term exchanges. Engagements are deeper, focusing on long-term relationships.

I got my money back, but that was it. I was not compensated for the time, gasoline, effort, and cognitive load I had spent. If it was truly just a transaction, I had lost in the exchange.

But they had lost something more valuable: my trust.

It wouldn’t have taken much to turn this transaction into an engagement. Sure, a freebie thrown in might have helped, but honestly, just an acknowledgement of fault, a heart-felt apology, a moment of empathy—any of these would have transformed the experience.

Engagement is how the relational elements of trustworthiness—authenticity and benevolence—are conveyed. And when you fail to engage, you fail to foster relational trust.

A few tips on turning transactions into engagements:

• Look for People. We all view our days as a series of tasks, goals, and deadlines. What if we approached our day in human terms, thinking of the people we would interact with and the relationships we might build?
• Borrow Perspective. When you’re with someone, STOP and invest a few moments to imagine what it’s like to be that person in this moment. Their thoughts, fears, hopes, frustration, excitement, fatigue. Let yourself feel what they feel.
• Express Understanding. Share with them how you feel. See if you’re reading their situation correctly. This isn’t a rote response like, “We’re sorry for any inconvenience.” It’s more along the lines of, “I hate that this happened; I would be so frustrated if I were you.”

For Reflection: Who do you need to engage with more and how will you do it?

Update: 70% Proposal Complete

With over 60,000 words written, I’m currently focusing on putting my book proposal together. I worked on the Content and Synopsis areas of the proposal this week to move the needle 5% toward completion.

9/10 Content (10%)

9/10 Market (10%)

4/5 Author (5%)

18/25 Synopsis (25%)

30/50 Sample Chapters (50%)

70/100 Total (100%)