When I returned this week from ten days in Greece and Turkey, a friend asked me what my favorite part of the trip was. Images flashed through my jet-lagged brain. Interesting people I had met. Delicious food I had eaten. Historical ruins I had visited.
Though all of these fascinated me, none of them was my answer. My favorite part was spending time with mom and my brother.
My brother conceived of this trip last year as a way to celebrate our mom’s 80th birthday: We would leave wives, kids, and responsibilities behind for a few days to take our mom on a trip and celebrate her.
It was a brilliant idea and he executed it flawlessly. My mom loves her daughters-in-law and adores her six grandkids, but you could tell she cherished this chance to spend a week and a half adventuring alone with her grown sons.
I must confess, I don’t think I could have come up with it on my own. I don’t even think our mom could have come up with it. So how did my brother do it?
From what I’ve seen, there are three things behind every remarkable act of benevolence:
- Awareness. We can’t meet a need we can’t see. Kindness requires us to stop amidst the busyness of life and truly see the people around us. When we stop and intentionally focus on a person and their story, their needs and desires begin to surface.
- Personalization. It’s tempting to immediately fulfill a desire or meet a need in the way you would find most satisfying. But we’re not all the same. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes—how would they experience the most honor and dignity?
- Generosity. To achieve the full effect, don’t hold back or act tenuously—commit and give lavishly. It will require some sacrifice of time, energy, or money, but it will be worth it—if you genuinely empty yourself of any expectation of repayment.
A trip to Europe is certainly a grand gesture, but you can apply these same principles in small ways with the people you interact with everyday. Surprise someone with their favorite coffee. Insist on covering for a colleague so they can make it to their kid’s soccer game. Invite that new neighbor over for dinner.
Big and small acts of kindness cultivate and communicate benevolence—a big part of fostering trust.
For Reflection: Who will you practice benevolence with today?
