“He who does not trust enough will not be trusted.”
“Trust isn’t a nice-to-have; trust is a must-have.”
“The more trust, the better the relationship.”
I see quotes like these everywhere—and I cringe on the inside every time. I come across them in social media feeds, in the books I read, even in some research papers.
On the one hand, I believe trust is a critical component of every human relationship. So I should be thrilled when people talk positively about trust, right?
However, there’s a crucial factor missing from these catchy sound bites. Taken at face value, they suggest if we could just exchange more trust in our relationships—with our kids, our coworkers, our clients—then life would be so much better.
Here’s the rub: Trust is not enough.
Trust is only fruitful when it lands on a proportional amount of trustworthiness in the other person. More trust is not a universal solution. Putting trust alone on a pedestal without matching it with an equally robust trustworthiness is irresponsible.
I’m sure Bernie Madoff, Elizabeth Holmes, and Sam Bankman Fried would all wholeheartedly agree with the advice given in the quotes above. Preying on the human tendency to trust has allowed them to swindle investors out of almost $97 billion in cash and paper losses.
To avoid the pitfalls and claim the promises of trust, we must learn to accurately assess trustworthiness. You can use the Four Elements of Trustworthiness—and the four questions that go with them—to systematically evaluate trustworthiness:
- Authenticity: Are they for real?
- Benevolence: Are they on my side?
- Competence: Do they know what they’re doing?
- Dependability: Can I count on them to come through?
By gauging the trustworthiness of others first, you’ll be better equipped to offer an appropriate level of trust.
The advantages of trust are real, but they are only available to those who trust wisely.
For Reflection: When was the last time you over-trusted someone?
